EQ Management: Stress Less, Lead Better

dennyzhang

URL: https://quantcodedenny.com/posts/eq-playbook/

As a tech lead, I want to ease my mental stress and be effective in conflict resolution. This playbook is my daily runbook for staying calm, clear, and constructive under pressure.

Core Principles

  • Pause Before Reacting: Don’t let emotions drive my first response.
  • Listen First: Seek to understand before I respond.
  • Focus on Outcomes: Anchor on shared goals, not personal wins.
  • Protect My Boundaries: Say no or redirect misaligned work.

Difficult Situations and How I Respond

  1. Disagreement on Priorities Example: PM pushes feature delivery, I see infra stability risk. → Frame trade-offs clearly; show business risk of ignoring infra.

  2. Boundary-Pushing Requests Example: Asked to own solving cross-team incentive conflicts (low leverage). → Acknowledge importance, suggest better owner, offer lightweight support—not ownership.

  3. Cross-Team or Peer Conflict Example: Partner team blames infra for latency spikes, or another TL challenges design harshly. → Listen without defensiveness, share data, acknowledge valid points, defuse tension, propose joint debugging or async follow-up.

  4. Escalations from Leadership Example: Director demands “immediate fix” for ongoing SEV. → Communicate facts crisply, outline immediate fix + longer-term solution.

Major Mistakes That Kill Energy

  • Neglecting Health Basics: Skipping sleep, poor nutrition, dehydration, or no movement → fatigue, irritability, brain fog.
  • Scattered Focus: Excessive multitasking or context switching → drains efficiency and mental clarity.
  • Ignoring Stress Signals: Bottling emotions, not addressing mental health → chronic depletion.
  • Weak Boundaries: Overcommitting or taking low-leverage work → diluted impact, faster burnout.
  • Poor Environment: Clutter, noise, or bad lighting → reduced focus and motivation.

Best Practices

  • Recharge Physically: 7–9 hrs sleep, short naps if needed; move often with walks, stretches, or exercise.
  • Fuel Smartly: Balanced meals (protein + complex carbs), hydration; limit sugar/caffeine spikes.
  • Work With Focus: Prioritize clearly (Eisenhower or MITs), batch tasks, avoid overcommitment.
  • Reset Regularly: Take 5–10 min breaks every 60–90 mins; use mindfulness, journaling, or reflection.
  • Shape the Environment: Natural light, tidy space, comfortable temp/noise.
  • Communicate Effectively: Neutral tone, “we” language, fact-driven; summarize agreements; use the cycle Pause → Clarify → Respond → Follow-Up.

Common Pitfalls to Avoid

  • Responding instantly when triggered.
  • Framing conflict as win/lose instead of win/win.
  • Assuming others share my context without clarification.
  • Absorbing misaligned work just to “be helpful.”

Daily Reminder

  • Start of Day: Review top 3 priorities; mark what I will say “no” to.
  • Before Meetings: Pause, breathe once, and note the outcome I want.
  • During Conflict: Listen fully, then restate what I heard before replying.
  • After 90 Minutes of Work: Step away for 5 mins; stretch or walk.
  • Midday Check-In: Drink water, adjust posture, reset focus.
  • End of Day: Write down one win and one boundary I defended.